When you hold others to high regard but…

They prove to be everything you thought they never would. That my friends is not disappointing its reinforcing. Part of finding myself and shit is forcing myself to see thing as they are not as I want them to be. Welp that’s especially easy when those around me take actions with clear intents and purposes. I gotta keep reminding myself this is about me learning to accept NOT finding ways to change them.

Today’s moral of the story is- ALWAYS hold yourself in high regard. NEVER lower your head to anyone or anything. We are who we are, there is no perfection there is no road map. We are who we’re meant to be.

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Is it just me?

How many times have you been told, “you are so good at what you do” or “no one can replace you.” Now how many times have you downplayed your value and answered, “oh its no big deal” or “anyone can do it” or the ever so common…”I’m sure there someone that can do it better.” Has this ever been you or is it just me?

If you’re a woman you might know what I mean. You never ask for anything and work with the bare minimum because you don’t want to come off as a complainer or my favorite…you’ll be damned if you don’t make things happen because that’s what we do, we are miracle workers. I’ll be honest I’m that woman, the woman that does everything in her power to stretch things and make it work. I’ll drive myself to the ground because I’ll be dammed if I fail or God forbid bother others. How about in relationships? Ever been told how amazing you are and you just can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that you are? Ever rebuttal when you’re told you are beautiful, unique or simply amazing? Yup! I been there, I’ve done that and even lost along the way.

There’s something I been thinking A LOT about lately and that is how amazing I am….YUP! I just said that. I am F^%&*@ AMAZING. Why? Because I am! Because I am damn good at what I do and guess what when I don’t know, I research, I ask, I try. I love my job and although there’s very likely someone better than me at what I do at my job in my site, I am great at what I do. Yes! it takes a team and I been extremely blessed to learn and be surrounded by great exemplars but I’ve earned my stripes. I am amazing because I’ve seen darkness, lived in it and while I lived in those dark caves, I never gave up. I was determined to find the ray of light. I am amazing because there is no other woman like me because I am unique, as are you! I am amazing because even when I’ve f-ed up I accept it and I learn, yes, I do. Maybe not in accordance to others but I know I do. I am amazing because in moments of silence and despair I still see my beauty and as hard as I am on myself I know I deserve more. Trust me when I say, I’ve seen darkness, I’ve felt it in every part of my body and no not just recently with the breakup but in my teen years when there were moments, I felt like a sack of skin taking up space. Few people have seen that side and I refuse to let it be seen, not because I pretend to be perfect but because those moments don’t make me, what makes me is what I learn from them. Loving who we are, who we REALLY are is not easy. It’s probably the hardest thing, I’ve ever worked on. Being kind to myself, letting shit go, trusting that who I am is who I am meant to be. All that makes me amazing and I am learning that like me there are tons of amazing people who don’t acknowledge who they are.

It shouldn’t just be me.